Random Rant : Infants in Pubs.

Hey parents.  Don’t get me wrong, I am really happy you decided to procreate (assuming it was a decision and you didn’t just forget to use a condom.  Even then, you decided to live with the consequences, so that is still pretty admirable.)  In 20-25 years, I am going to need your progeny to pay taxes to support my CPP and OAS payments and my public service pension.  And to make up for those tax breaks you are getting for being a parent that I am currently subsidizing with my own tax dollars (but that is another rant entirely).

But you know what?  If you decide to bring your infant in a publican’s establishment say, after 6 PM, there are no two ways about it, you are not only bad parents, you are bad human beings.

First, don’t delude yourselves.  It’s not a restaurant; it’s a pub.  You know how you can tell?  Take a good look around;  are there a number of 30-, 40- and 50-somethings, mostly men, sitting around a big wooden structure (‘the wood’), gulping beer or sipping scotch, shooting the shit and fooling themselves into believing that they are impressing the cute 20-something barmaid?  Yup, that should be your first clue:  it’s a fucken pub.

Those guys at the wood?  They came to hang out with their mates, forget their day and to seek a sense of camaraderie and belonging.  They did not come to listen to your infant cry.  Or scream.  Or cutely run around doing cute infant things.  You know, the type of things that your infant did at daycare all day and that you missed.  Or the type of things that the babysitter should be dealing with right now, if you weren’t too cheap to get one.

Not only are you and your child severely disturbing those guys at the wood (and probably countless other patrons), but you know what?  You’re teaching your kid that he/she doesn’t have to show consideration for others and that’s it’s perfectly acceptable to inconvenience people as long as you get to do what you want.  What kind of value is that to be teaching your child?  Oh wait, one you clearly don’t have because, well, you brought your infant into the pub, didn’t you?

And those guys at the wood, believe me, odds are pretty good that at least one of them is thinking right now of phoning the CAS on you...

And you see that fat old guy at the wood nursing his Guinness?  The one with the pony tail and the unkempt beard that looks like he once might have been a biker?  Tell you what, go ahead, bring your infant into the pub… provided he gets to go hang out at your darling’s day care the next day.  Sounds like a fair deal, right?

Right?

Thought so…